The space that mothers create

By Antonia Roth | July 2023

To me mothering is creating a space for someone from which they can set out into the world. What that space looks and feels like, what makes it comfortable, and what makes it warm; that is what is shaped by how we have been mothered in the past. The spaces that have been our home base as we have set out into the world.

When I think of the space my mother created for me it is a delicate balance of a push and a pull. A space that pushed me out into the world with words of encouragement and a firm belief that I can do whatever I set out to do when I leave. A knowledge that I must go out there because my voice will bring value to the world. 

This space isn’t always comfortable because as soon as you understand how deeply your input is valued you develop a sense of responsibility for trying to achieve what one person thinks you can. Under the weight of that responsibility, it’s the balancing pull of the maternal space that makes sure you still feel held. The subtle pull that says ‘Come back here and rest, you’ve done enough today.’ For me, it was knowing that regardless of what I had done in the world when I come back it will have been enough.

As I have gone out into the world, I have found that a space like this, the space of a mother, was created for me along the way again and again. I found it in the office of a thesis supervisor who gave cutting feedback on a first draft because she believed there was more to say, and in the same breath told us to take care of ourselves because the load was heavy. I have found it in cafés where baristas have said ‘You look tired, but like you still have things to do, let me make it a large coffee for you’. 

I find it every day in our work at Percept. I have seen my fellow Perceptors see great potential in health systems, as they balance that view with an understanding of how much those systems are already doing with the resources that they have. From my first day here fellow Perceptors have conveyed their belief in what I can do, and so has our manifesto; ‘Don’t underestimate your ability or your creativity.’ Balanced with the understanding that ‘There is much to be done, therefore you must go slowly.’

And when that space isn’t there, I find the encouragement to create it myself, for others.